Learning to set boundaries and respect my OWN values and limitations has been difficult to say the least. I come from a long line of people pleasers and “yes-men”. I cater to the needs of others and continuously put the wants and needs of others before my own. In some cases this is understandable and expected (in regards to your kids is a good example, but even that should have limitations), but generally speaking this is not right.
Being suuuper nice and generous with your time and energy has its obvious perks on the path of life and journey on the karma train, but sadly… there are many not-so-good people that’ll smell you out, track you down and take full advantage of your generosity and inability to say no. It can be dangerous and let me tell you, it is completely draining. Energy vamps are everywhere, beware, protect your energy and steer clear at all costs!
Teach yourself how to say no. Practice with the small stuff and work your way up to the more daunting tasks. A general rule to follow: if it doesn’t light you up, it’s a no. If it’s not a FUCK YES. It’s a no. If it makes you uncomfortable. it’s most certainly a NO! If you’d rather stay home in your PJ’s while drinking a big’ol glass of red and eating Ben and Jerry’s out of the tub… it’s probably a no. Don’t want to go on that date? Politely decline. Don’t want to see that guy again? Sorry dude, it’s not you it’s me. Or whatever you have to say to decline eloquently. If you don’t want to do it, don’t. period. Easy peasy, right? Wrong. Maybe for those that have been doing it their whole lives, ya, for sure it’s easy… but for the rest of us, it’s hard. it’s uncomfortable. It’s awkward. You feel bad. You do things to appease people, even though it makes you feel like shit. You put yourself in uncomfortable situations in order to keep the peace or keep the other person happy. You go without so someone else doesn’t (this is ok in some instances! but not every. single. time.) You’ve taught yourself that suffering is acceptable and part of life. What the hell are you thinking?! Sorry to break it to you sweetheart, it’s not. You need to shift the paradigm and start putting YOUR needs first. I’m not saying be a dick about everything, be respectful, be true to yourself, just stop taking people’s shit! Stop doing things that aren’t fun. Stop putting your needs last. Start owning who you are and what you want. It’s perfectly acceptable to want what you want!
So why do you want to start saying no more? Well, for starters…
It is freeing.
It is liberating.
It is joyous.
It will free space not only on your schedule, but also in your HEAD. Imagine the freedom *gasp*
It will help you set and stick to healthy boundaries.
It’s… surprisingly HARD! Step outside of your comfort zone here and respect your needs. You’ve got this.
It’s so totally worth it, I promise.